The Dallas Cowboys are Adam Sandler

The Dallas Cowboys and Adam Sandler have a lot in common. I realized that last night after watching the Cowboys blow another season and then changing the channel to end up on “Grown Ups”.


The similarities between the two are astounding. Both had their heyday in the 1990’s. The Cowboys won three Super Bowls, Sandler had a number of hilarious movies with the crowning achievements of “Billy Madison”, “Happy Gilmore”, and “The Waterboy”. All three of those films are still quoted constantly and have become a part of the general American lexicon. The Cowboys were at the height of their popularity after winning the 1992, 1993, and 1995 Super Bowls.


But since 2000, both have had severe drop offs in quality and have turned themselves into national punchlines. The Cowboys’ decline started before 2000, but the point remains: In the 21st Century, the Cowboys and Adam Sandler have had little success. Sure, the Cowboys won one playoff game, and Adam Sandler made “Funny People” (which wasn’t awful). But these successes pale in comparison to their former glories.

The Cowboys have actually been funnier than Adam Sandler since 2000.

Both have gotten fat off their past and have put little effort into being great. Since 2000, the Cowboys are 112-112. In that same time period Adam Sandler has made “Jack and Jill”, two “Grown Ups” movies, and “You Don’t Mess with the Zohan” (among many, many others). And yes there was that 13-3 season for the Cowboys, and “Click” for Adam Sandler. Neither seem great looking back, but at the time they were welcome reprieves from the dismal efforts previously given us. Both collected an All Star group of talented people for their recent efforts: the Cowboys had Demarcus Ware, Jason Witten, Dez Bryant, and Tony Romo in 2012-13, while “Grown Ups” had Chris Rock, David Spade, Salma Hayek, Maria Bello, and Maya Rudolph. And both of those turned out to be overwhelmingly disappointing.

Here is kicker though, the greatest similarity between Adam Sandler and the Dallas Cowboys is money. No matter how bad they get, no matter how many jokes and insults can be thrown their way, and no matter how many people demand a change, both the Cowboys and Adam Sandler are laughing all the way to the bank. The Cowboys, according to Forbes, are the second most valuable franchise in sports at $2.1 Billion and generate $269 Million annually. Adam Sandler may be even more valuable than the Cowboys, just the two “Grown Ups” movies made a combined $518,414,467 at the worldwide box office.

In the 21st Century, mediocrity makes big bucks.


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